Arsene Wenger Delighted With ‘Win’ Over Chelsea


"It's like Phillipe Sendaros never left."

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger was today condemned by his own supporters for failing to admit that Arsenal side had lost 3-0 to Chelsea, celebrating Arsenal’s ‘4-0 win’ over their arch rivals by consuming Didier Drogba’s Man of the Match campagne and giving what can only be described as an ‘interesting’ post match interview.

Arsene Wenger who, despite being French, is unable to accept defeat. Told the assembled press:

“Aha! We really showed them today! Did you see Walcott? Carved. Them. To. Pieces. I knew he’d turn into a match winner eventually. It just takes time baby. Yeahhhhhh. And what can you say about Robin Van Persie’s 40 yard screamer? He really has it all. Right foot. Left foot. I really can pick them. I know everything! What number are you thinking of? Three. Three points to Arsenal yes siree.”

A stunned Garth Crooks repeatedly asked Wenger if he was aware of that his team were easily beaten 3-0 by Carlo Ancelotti’s dominant Blues only for the impish Arsenal manager to put him in a headlock and coerce him into agreeing with his bizarre alternative version of events where Arsenal are six points clear at the top of the league, Tottenham have been relegated for match fixing and Ashely Cole has been gored to death by wild boar in a freak hiking accident.

“Some people said I couldn’t build a team for pre pubescent wonder kids, some people said I needed big money signings to shore up the squad, but I showed them! How does it feel Ashley! HOW DOES IT FEEL!” Raged Wenger, before being dragged away by Pat Rice.

Arsenal FC later re-released a pre prepared statement from Wenger identical to previous statements made after losses to Manchester United, Manchester Lite and Sunderland and made reference to ‘giving his team time,’ asked fans to ‘judge me at the end of the season‘ and warned naysayers that he ‘would never learn surrender.’

Copyright 2009 Crab Football. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. This is fictional.

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