John Terry To Be Literally Grafted With Three Lions


John Terry has often been touted as the ‘lion-heart’ beating furiously at the centre of the England teams feral core – but it appears the constant barrage of Lion-esque eulogising has had an unanticipated effect. Clearly no longer satisfied with having three Lions on his shirt it appears brave Terry 29, has opted for a controversial ‘gene-splicing’ procedure at a private London clinic to merge his unique genetic make-up with that of THREE LIONS.

With the 2010 World Cup rapidly approaching, fearless Terry appears to have sought out alternative measures to not only improve his on-field performance but also enhance his patriotic credentials. Craig Muff, the visionary doctor who previously succeeded in grafting Nigel Winterburn with a bush baby, will perform the controversial operation next Thursday. He explained:-

“My fellow doctors and I have sat brave John down and attempted to explain that splicing his valiant, fearless DNA with 3 assorted Lions will achieve the same effect as doing it with a single Lion. However, John was a very clear in what he wanted. And is very rich. So, in keeping with the patients wishes, we’re going ahead with three lions.”

The initial warning signs of heroic Terry’s increasing lion-fixation were subtle but there for all to see at a Chelsea press conference in June this year; Terry refused to answer any questions from assembled hacks unless addressed as ‘Mr. Lion’ or ‘Your Highness.

Terry’s worrying but very brave spiral into Lion-obsession continued after he was cautioned for verbally chastising a group of American tourists at London Zoo in September after they dubbed Simba, the zoo’s resident lioness, a “jerk-off Lion”.

More to follow…

Copyright 2009 Crab Football. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. This is fictional. Obviously.


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