Crab Football on Finnish TV


Hello everyone,

I would just like to say that I’m glad so many people have enjoyed our fictional articles. I assume people would understand that the content on this site is 100% fake however one person always slips through the net. As a responsible writer The Crab would like to address any misunderstanding before it gets out of hand.

The Crab has just been informed that our Anelka autobiography has just been mentioned on Finnish TV by commentator Antti Mäkinen during todays Charity Shield match. A Finnish friend of mine translated the commentary and said:-

“well you’ve caused a stir!! the commentator says how in an autobiography that Anelka wrote he told of a time when him and Viera didn’t get on. There was some goal that Anelka missed and Viera took the piss. After the game Viera hit Anelka with his bits down below! Apparently this is all exclusive from his tell all autobiography… on the forum (The Finnish website that posted it) they are wetting their pants about the commentry and say “it’s hillarious but a load of bull shit!!!!”

The Crab would like to thank/blame the Finnish boys and girls at Futis Forum for getting us in so much s**t and for posting up the video! At 1:22 you can clearly hear him name check the book as “It wasn’t me. It was the other guy.”

The Crab would like to offer our sincerest apologies for any confusion caused. However I would like to point out to people those disclaimer things at the bottom of my page.

Subsequently The Crab has we sought legal advice from a range of people, some even trained in law.

They pointed out that:-

a) We have disclaimers on our articles, also in Welcome to Crab Football we had up until yesterday a line that stated the website was ‘a pack of lies.’

b) Our legal advice pointed to a precident set between Sir Elton John and The Guardian Newspaper whereby the judge ruled that a fictional diary in the Guardian newspaper had to be taken in context of where it was published. It’s hard to spot a spoof article in a genuine newspaper whilst in our case the Anelka article came after a cockney Arsene Wenger claimed he predicted 9-11 two years before it had happened and that Gianfranco Zola had stated he’d never heard of Dean Ashton and was actively looking for clues of him at Upton Park.

c) Not a single responsible news outlet had picked up the story. I think it is telling that only message boards around the web have reprinted this article and even they’re not buying it. (NB You’re libel too if you don’t put disclaimers up.) The Crab has not seen a single copy of our article amended with any comment whatsoever, suggesting to us that people felt it was a singular piece of fiction and therefore was not incorporated into their daily articles/news feed and not subject to analysis.

d) The judge ruled that the acid test is that a reasonable person would not believe such outlandish comments. Having viewed message boards around the web 99% of people are aware this is fake.

Unless the guy on Finnish TV was saying it tongue in cheek he’s in the minority.

e) At the time of the incident on Finnish TV the even more ridiculous follow up article, where Wenger claims that Vieira walking around naked in the dressing room resulted in dwarves being knocked out, had been posted a day earlier. I’d expect a ‘reasonable person’ to research these allegations before blurting them out on air. I refuse to believe that anyone reading two such prepostorous articles would believe them to be real.

e) I also asked them if Finnish people were technically ‘reasonable people’?

‘They’re not technically people at all.’ They replied.

This website is fictional. Copyright 2009 Crab Football. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

30 responses to “Crab Football on Finnish TV

  1. Very good show, my friend! Absolutely hilarious.

    • You either laugh or cry. I can’t imagine anyone believing Anelka would write this, let alone a footballer still plying his trae in the premiership.

      I did warn other sites not to rip it off!

  2. oh my GOD!!!!! Only you “crab”, only you!! xxxx (big hugs pre the court case!!!!)

  3. This is awesome…how anyone could believe it to be true is beyond me but that probably says more about me than anything else – thank you sir you have made my week…

  4. Gooner Grantski

    There is really are some stupid people in the world huh! so so funny mate you ARE a legend

  5. Gooner Grantski

    Looks like your being punished for having a good sense of humour, dont worry mate nothing will come from it

  6. Vieira is comming back to put fear into the hearts of of this young Arsenal side. With his new enforcer AW will surely whip these boys into shape to win all before them -or else …..

  7. Awaiting further articles /info on Cashley Cole !


  8. you just be careful what you say about Finnish people my friend. it’s my translation that stopped your heart palpitations…!

  9. And it’s appreciated Vix Stix!

  10. u’ll ah commenting about the premiership’s top goal scorer last year.this season,he is one of the deadliest striker in the league.besides,he is one of the two players who are still successful after leaving the “babies”.the other person is ashley cole who both join chelsea.chelsea are the favourites to complete the quadruple this year.

  11. anyone agree with me?

  12. You said that this website is completley fictonal and people sometimes slip through the net, heres a few;

  13. Ouch. They hate us….

  14. I’m interested as to if you really do like the EPL or not? Great website by the way, hilarious.

  15. Huh?

  16. To all true Arsenal fans – please ignore comments from dash1996
    who is my 13 yr misguided son who despite being
    schooled in all things great and noble about Arsenal ,turned to the dark side . Just like Cashley Cole and Anelka he went to pastures blue. It could also be due to the fact that he had been dropped on his head often when being babysat by me – especially
    in the excitement of celebrating Arsenal goals.

  17. You should have brain washed him from an early age like a goo parent.

  18. I’ m sorry I’ve failed,but I did do my best – kitting him out with Arsenal stuff ,including some that no Arsenal Catalogue have carried.I showed him tapes[ no dvds then] of Arsenal wins
    from 1979 onwards.In hindsight I should not have exposed him to the ‘double ‘cup wins of 1993 and the ‘ epic ‘of the CWC win in 1994 –
    even I cringed.Damn you George Graham !

  19. i am a misguided son because i was brainwashed by a arsenal least i realised that arsenal is not good enough,thats why like nicholas anelka and cashley, i moved to the better and richest team in london which is mighty chelsea.

  20. at least i realised that arsenal is not good enough,thats why like nicholas anelka and cashley, i moved to the better and richest team in london which is mighty chelsea.

  21. sorry for the latter comment.

  22. Kids these days….

  23. kids these days are modern,not like my beloved father(raja1957)fan of the ‘babies.’

  24. Sigh !See what I have to put up with.Now where is my trusty cat’o’nine tails ?Here baby ,here baby- to be continued…

  25. Hey, I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog!…..I”ll be checking in on a regularly now….Keep up the good work! 🙂

    – Marc Shaw

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