I would just like to say that I’m glad so many people have enjoyed our fictional articles. I assume people would understand that the content on this site is 100% fake however one person always slips through the net. As a responsible writer The Crab would like to address any misunderstanding before it gets out of hand.
The Crab has just been informed that our Anelka autobiography has just been mentioned on Finnish TV by commentator Antti Mäkinen during todays Charity Shield match. A Finnish friend of mine translated the commentary and said:-
“well you’ve caused a stir!! the commentator says how in an autobiography that Anelka wrote he told of a time when him and Viera didn’t get on. There was some goal that Anelka missed and Viera took the piss. After the game Viera hit Anelka with his bits down below! Apparently this is all exclusive from his tell all autobiography… on the forum (The Finnish website that posted it) they are wetting their pants about the commentry and say “it’s hillarious but a load of bull shit!!!!”
The Crab would like to thank/blame the Finnish boys and girls at Futis Forum for getting us in so much s**t and for posting up the video! At 1:22 you can clearly hear him name check the book as “It wasn’t me. It was the other guy.”
The Crab would like to offer our sincerest apologies for any confusion caused. However I would like to point out to people those disclaimer things at the bottom of my page.
Subsequently The Crab has we sought legal advice from a range of people, some even trained in law.
They pointed out that:-
a) We have disclaimers on our articles, also in Welcome to Crab Football we had up until yesterday a line that stated the website was ‘a pack of lies.’
b) Our legal advice pointed to a precident set between Sir Elton John and The Guardian Newspaper whereby the judge ruled that a fictional diary in the Guardian newspaper had to be taken in context of where it was published. It’s hard to spot a spoof article in a genuine newspaper whilst in our case the Anelka article came after a cockney Arsene Wenger claimed he predicted 9-11 two years before it had happened and that Gianfranco Zola had stated he’d never heard of Dean Ashton and was actively looking for clues of him at Upton Park.
c) Not a single responsible news outlet had picked up the story. I think it is telling that only message boards around the web have reprinted this article and even they’re not buying it. (NB You’re libel too if you don’t put disclaimers up.) The Crab has not seen a single copy of our article amended with any comment whatsoever, suggesting to us that people felt it was a singular piece of fiction and therefore was not incorporated into their daily articles/news feed and not subject to analysis.
d) The judge ruled that the acid test is that a reasonable person would not believe such outlandish comments. Having viewed message boards around the web 99% of people are aware this is fake.
Unless the guy on Finnish TV was saying it tongue in cheek he’s in the minority.
e) At the time of the incident on Finnish TV the even more ridiculous follow up article, where Wenger claims that Vieira walking around naked in the dressing room resulted in dwarves being knocked out, had been posted a day earlier. I’d expect a ‘reasonable person’ to research these allegations before blurting them out on air. I refuse to believe that anyone reading two such prepostorous articles would believe them to be real.
e) I also asked them if Finnish people were technically ‘reasonable people’?
‘They’re not technically people at all.’ They replied.
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