The Crab’s Football Rumour Round-up


  • Liverpool are to make a loan move for Tottenham’s underused Russian striker Roman Pavlyuchenko. Although why Spurs would save their rivals from David Ngog is anyones guess. (The Mirror)
  • Alternatively Liverpool could be splashing £20 million on West Ham’s Carlton Cole. With the England striker said to be keen to raise his England profile ahead of the World Cup and to get a guaranteed pay check each week. (The Sun)
  • Arsenal’s Arsene Wenger is poised to pick up another diamond in the rough with the signing of  no-nonsense, tough tackling 21-year-old midfield enforcer Hitpreet Gandhi, great-grandson of Mahatma Gandhi. He should be joining the Gunners in a £500,000 deal. (Daily Sport)
  • Colleen Rooney will be unveiled today as the new face of Mothercare following the birth of first child Kai. Rooney’s wife was said to be delighted to have inked the deal with the company as this was the next logical step in her career after she’d ‘milked that girl of the people bullshit till it was a lifeless, dried up husk.‘ Expect to see young Kai flaunted around in OK magazine sometime in the near future and held aloft like she is The One Ring. (various)
  • Everton are leading the pack in pursuit of Benfica’s Javier Garcia. With the defensive midfielder set to cost anywhere between £15-£200 million.
  • Rumours persist in The Sun that Steven Gerrard is ready to call time on his Liverpool playing days to concentrate on his international career, The Mail is even suggesting that he has hired Sol Campbell’s lawyer Damien Bishop in a hope he can ‘do a Notts County‘ because the only thing he’s won recently was his court case.(Sun and Daily Mail)
  • Alex Ferguson has total faith in his playing squad despite being linked to Bolton’s Gary Cahill and Stoke’s Ryan Shawcross, signalling the end of Rio Ferdinands Manchester United days, and a move for Bordeaux striker Marouane Chamakh as Rooney can’t carry the whole team.
  • John Terry was dealt a blow yesterday (no puns about his father please) when various tabloids rounded on him and his comments about how foreign players have a ‘propensity to dive.’ Terry has denied he is a racist saying he ‘treats everyone like they’re white.’ (The Telegraph)
  • And finally The Mirror is reporting that Newcastle supremo Mike Ashley is contemplating transfer listing 10 of the clubs 33 points that they’ve won this season, stating they were ‘surplus to requirements.’ He is also allegedly willing to sell his mother for a fistful of used £5 notes. (The Mirror)


Copyright 2009 Crab Football. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. This is fictional.


3 responses to “The Crab’s Football Rumour Round-up

  1. Can I ,on behalf of the coloured peoples of Asia ,Africa ,South America and all other points in between , thank John Terry for his very welcome comments ?It was mighty white of you Bawana [ Tuan / Big Kahuna / White Rajah ]
    Teach us your wise ways O enlightened one .Tell us how to rid ourseves of drug dealers , shoplifters ,indiscrimenate Suv drivers parking on handicap lots and those who laugh at others misfortune [eg at Americans on 9/11].
    Save us o mighty white father !

  2. Nice post. I can’t see Steven Gerrard leaving Liverpool yet maybe if things don’t improve and Liverpool don’t make any good signing’s in the January window he may consider going in the summer.


    Hi there, I found your blog by the use of Google even as searching for a comparable subject, your web site got here up, it appears to be like great. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s