Martin O’Neill – I Pick The Squad Emile


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Aston Villa manager Martin O’Neill has announced to the press that he will not buckle to pressure to start Emile Heskey each week.

England striker Emile has recently revealed he is desperate for regular first-team football to seal his place on the plane to South Africa, however his pleas have fallen on deaf ears with O’Neill refusing to have his authority undermined.

“If anything I’m doing Emile a favour by keeping him on the bench,” said the Aston Villa supremo, “he only has three more opportunities before next summer to wear an England shirt. If he’s smart and doesn’t draw attention to himself he could be sitting on a bench in a World Cup Final. Imagine that. Alternatively I can play him each week and provide him with 30 or so golden opportunities to showcase his inability to hold up the ball.”

Aston Villa face Chelsea this Saturday with a wealth of attacking options at O’Neill’s disposal, with Agbonlahor, Carew and Heskey all vying for the sole starting berth in Villa’s 4-5-1 formation.

“What am I meant to do?” said an exasperated O’Neill, “pull Aggie and Carew into my office and explain I’m starting with Emile? They’ll want reasons! Aggie has pace to burn and long balls stick to Carew like shit to shoes. What exactly does Emile bring to the table other than a vacuous expression? Anyone?”

Earlier in the week Emile had insinuated he was ready to make an emotional move back to Anfield to secure more playing time. However his interview was cut short when O’Neill burst in and cradled the deluded strikers head in his arms, simultaneously stroking his hair and telling him it was time for his medicine.’

Copyright 2009 Crab Football. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. This is fictional.

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