Premier League Superstars today paid tribute to Boyzone singer Stephen Gately after it was shockingly revealed that the popular entertainer had died suddenly aged only 33. The late singer, one of Britain’s first openly gay pop stars who came out of the closet in 1999, tragically passed away in the early hours of Sunday morning whilst on holiday in Majorca.
“It’s an absolute tragedy,” said one un-named Premiership footballer (it’s the one you are thinking about right now, yeah that one) “I was fortunate to have met Stephen twice at cancer benefits and found him to be the most charming guy. I was so inspired by his courage that I very nearly came out myself – however my agent convinced me it’d ruin my career so I instead I embarked on a series of high profile dates with Page 3 models, I live a lie.”
Other footballers offered their condolences too but only under the guise of total anonymity. One visionary Premiership midfielder, adored by girls the length and breath of the country for his razor sharp cheek bones and smooth skin, y’know the one who is a little too handsome to be straight, yeah him, told Crab Football that:-
“I’ve played in alot of high pressure games but I’ve never been able to admit to myself or the fans that I’m gay, mainly because I’m worried of the backlash but also because my surname unfortunately rhymes with alot of rude words – terrace chants can be so so cruel. Maybe I’ll do it next week. Ohhhhhhhhhh Desperate Housewives!”
In fact Crab Football bizarrely couldn’t find any openly gay footballers to contribute to this piece, however Wayne Rooney told us to speak to Darren Fletcher who ‘likes Twilight an’ shit.’
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