Arsenal’s Spanish goalkeeper Manuel Almunia yesterday saw his dream of playing for England in the next World Cup move one step closer to reality after it was revealed he had finally bedded serial WAG Danielle Lloyd. Proving to Fabio Capello that without a doubt that beneath his exotic exterior beats the heart of a true England player.
It is alleged that Almunia, who qualifies as an English citizen having resided in England for five years, nailed Ms Lloyd, who has ankles for ear rings, after a chance meeting with the model at London’s trendy Mayfair nightclub last Saturday.
“He really is joining a very elite group,” said Sun columnist and one man pun machine Matt Foye, “Jermaine Defoe, Teddy Sheringham, Jamie O’Hara and Marcus Bent and half of the male population of Essex all have carnal knowledge of Ms Lloyd. I think this is final proof Manuel is a true Englishman, now lets just hope he can keep a clean sheet in South Africa and get his hands on some real cups! ”
In the name of professionalism Crab Football contacted Ms Lloyd’s agent today to check the veractiy of these rumours only to be told that Ms Lloyd had had ‘a busy week.’ However they did recall seeing the buxom bimbo in a clinch with a gentleman who ‘looked like a homeless musketeer mixed with a skunk.’
Fortunately the Football Association’s resident expert, Tom Steadman, was on hand to clear up any confusion, releasing a statement on the FA’s website stating that the markings on Almunia’s body are consistent with previous attacks and that Cappello was considering selecting the shot stopper in his next squad.
“We were going to select Ben Foster….. but y’know…..” said a shrugging Fabio Capello.
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