Crab Football has learnt that Chelsea FC are to be punished yet again by UEFA President Michel Platini for what has been described as ‘pesistent and intentional abuse of the 1949 Geneva Convention.’
The London based Club, already reeling from the one year transfer ban meted out for the controversial signing of Len’s teenager Gaël Kakuta, has been fined an initial £160,000 fine after UEFA investigators compiled a dossier of evidence illustrating that the back room antics at Stamford Bridge makes Guantanamo Bay’s Camp X-ray look like Butlins.
Ahead of Monday’s press conference Michel Platini is quoted as saying in L’Equipe “This fine sends out a strong message that UEFA does not consider water boarding a ‘motivational tool’ within the context of football. We are thoroughly committed to stamping out these sort of illicit activities from the modern game.’
No one at Chelsea has commented on these accusations however Roman Abramovich, speaking from his island fortress, is quoted as dryly saying ‘boo hoo’ before rinsing his eyes in a ‘really sarcastic manner.’ Causing numerous henchmen to ‘spontaneously’ errupt with laughter.
More to follow.