Sensational news has reached The Crab this afternoon that 3 are believed dead and another is in serious condition at the FA headquarters in Soho Square after Premier League Chairman Sir Dave Richards failed to rubber stamp Ashley Young’s last minute transfer to Tottenham Hotspur. At this hour details are scarce but it is believed that Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Reknapp took prominent members of the FA hostage at 5:43pm after they refused to extend the transfer deadline by THREE DAYS.
“There seems to be alot of confusion about the deadline,” said shaken secretary Calista Dunne, “Harry was in the best of spirits when he arrived at 4:55pm, he came sauntering into the foyer telling everyone about the Niko Kranjcar deal, then Ronald the security man said something like ‘Just the one Harry? Slow day for you!’ Harry looked very confused and asked what he meant? Well when Ronald explained the deadline was 5pm this year and not midnight Harry’s face dropped more than normal. He went to say something but couldn’t find the words. Then he left. It was well awkward.”
However things were to get stranger for the FA when Redknapp returned not ten minutes later.
“When Harry returned I knew something was wrong. He had a mad look in his eyes, like the fires of Hell. When he set the metal detector off, Ronald asked him gently if he was okay, and did he have anything in his pocket? Then Harry, in a dead voice, said ‘Yes… JUSTICE!’ and we realised he was packing heat.”
The Crab has no further details save for a few texts from eye witnesses who claim that Harry yelled ‘Ashley Youngggggg!‘ as he stormed the building, taking security by surprise.
The Crab’s prayers are with those trapped inside, we will keep you posted.
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