Arsenal Stave Off Administration For Another Year With 2-0 Win


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Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger can breathe a big sigh of relief tonight after his penniless Arsenal team effectively put one foot into the group stages of the champions league with a win over Celtic at the imaginatively named Celtic Park.

The win was particularly important for Arsene as his players had been given strict instructions prior to the game to ‘strip the dressing room of anything of value‘ in the event they lost, with former plumber Robin Van Persie being directed to ‘nick the taps an’ all.’

Arsenal, who beat Everton at the weekend like a ginger step kid, found Celtic to be a far more challenging proposition than their Merseyside counterparts. The Gunners finding it nearly impossible to find their feet in a bruising first half as the majority of their players spent it either being dumped on their arse by their opposite numbers or looking plaintively at referee Massimo Busacca with sad, hopeful eyes.

It was only in the 43 minute that proceedings  were finally punctuated with something even vaguely resembling entertainment, with Arsenal defender William Gallas – whilst trying to duck a Cesc Fabregas shot – managing to deflect the ball into the Celtic goal for the opener.

The game improved a little in the second half as Celtic struggled to maintain their high pressure game, however it still needed a Stephen Caldwell own goal from Gael Clichy’s low cross to give Arsenal a vital second.

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger said after the game that he was ‘relieved’ that his players came through an ‘interesting battle’ before warning against complacency in the next game.

Celtic could totally score three at the Emirates,’ said the Professor, struggling to be sincere, ‘Samaras is a force to be reckoned with. Ohhhhhhhhh we’re not out of the woods yet. I won’t sleep a wink this week.’

This is fictional. Copyright 2009 Crab Football. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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3 responses to “Arsenal Stave Off Administration For Another Year With 2-0 Win

  1. I don’t think Gallas was trying to duck out of the
    way,it only appears that way.He was trying to contort his body to get the ball to strike his body at the right angle after having seen Bobby Zamora do it last weekend .I believe that this will catch on and many goals will be scored this way this season.A detailed scientific study must be undertaken to find out the right ball speed , trajectory ,height , light , air density and moisture required to perfect this new skill.

  2. He certainly celebrated like it had been part of a cunning plan all along.

    Straight off the training ground?

  3. Gallas won another challenge that night, when he kicked the ball away from Celtic cross. Caldwell tried that too, but oh well.. 🙂

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