Kolo Toure: My cock twitched when Mark Hughes called.


On Wednesday of this week Manchester City unveiled their latest acquisition of the summer transfer window, pint sized Arsenal stalwart Kolo Toure, who was lured Northwards in a £16 million mega deal.

“We’ve always wanted to bring John Terry Joleon Lescott Kolo Toure to City,” said manager Mark Hughes. “It just proves that this club means business, and we’re not settling for second best. Nosiree. Fergie can eat me.”

“Well, when I heard Mark Hughes was interested in me I couldn’t wait to come,” said Kolo, ignoring the fact that with his freakishly small ears its doubtful he can hear anything at all.

“It was never about the money, it was about the challenge and wanting to be a part of something new. I’ll be honest I’m not even sure how much I’m earning here.” Kolo added with a face of stone, pushing his abacus to one side as his agent spaffed his pants stage left.

“Manchester City has great history and stuff, and Mark Hughes has managed some memorable teams…. like Blackburn. Wow. So it was the obvious choice. Obviously.”

Arsene Wenger however was non plussed about selling another of his senior first team players, giving the press a 40 yard stare as he said. “Seriously I couldn’t give a monkeys. Lad only cost me £150k. Apples and pears son. Now if you could all fuck off I’m going to reinvest this money in some bargain basement pre-pubescent ninjas from Brazil. Come 2017 my team is going to dick on you all. MARK MY WORDS. Tell ’em Pat Rice.”

“Arsene knows everything.” Added Pat Rice, wagging his finger at the silly, silly journalists. “You just wait till 2017.”

“You know 9-11?” Asked the Professor “Knew about that two years before it happened. Now fuck off.”

Kolo-Tour-001

This is fictional. Copyright 2009 Crab Football. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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One response to “Kolo Toure: My cock twitched when Mark Hughes called.

  1. Just as well he doesn’t wear glasses then – they’d keep falling off!

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